Why do so many FtM people act like MtF people don't exist and what the hell am I supposed to do as an MtF person?
11.06.2025 08:16
I know we also fall into the “but what about (trans) men?!” trap when trans women come up. (I’ve done it a few times—especially concerning bathroom nonsense. I’m getting better and working on it. If trans/cis women are talking about it, I chime in with support/likes/upvotes and, in the case of Quora, post my comments/thoughts as a separate answer instead of hijacking someone’s comment thread). We really need to be more careful about that, cis dudes have been doing that to cis women and their issues since the beginning of time. It’s understandable—since we are so often overlooked to the point of erasure (and typically referred to as confused/butch lesbians or tomboys) and are left completely out of most conversations concerning trans rights, but we need to not talk over women, period. We know first-hand how that feels. That’s us needing to fight that old misogyny that we’re taught we have to embody if we want to be seen as men. Not an excuse—I’m acknowledging/pointing out why it happens.
Drop people who don’t respect you, and watch out for people who do.
No one should feel invisible/like they don’t exist (and trans men really should know/act better, because this is something else we know first-hand).
If they’re your friends—drop them.
I only know the other side/flip side of this. I do know a trans femme that treats all FTM/AFAB nonbinary people as women. She’s my ex. In her mind, boobs = woman, and I had to point out to her how transphobic that was, as well as how often she spoke of trans men and AFAB non-binary folk as women when she’d been told they were otherwise (in my case, she wasn’t given “she/her” as a pronoun option until a common acquaintance of ours OUTED me to her). But I digress. She’s a special case, and hopefully her therapist sees through her nonsense, too.
I’ve personally never seen this—but I’m not going to say it doesn’t happen. Trans men can be big-time assholes. Some of our bros fall into the super-misogyny hole while trying to figure out their presentation—and I’m sure several don’t make it out.
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I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with such assholes.
That was the only answer with my ex.
Most of the trans men I’ve met and know of are some of the most vocal supporters of trans women AND cis women, often pointing out how the “body parts” arguments hurt EVERYONE. We’re also among the first to point out that, if everyone is so worried about trans folks in sports, they really ought be (I’m mostly joking here) a little more worried about trans men, who start performing BETTER when they start HRT and are on it long enough to compete with/against cis men. We’re not trying to erase trans women in that instance—we’re pointing out how much bigots are focusing on a non-issue when it comes to sports (trans women on HRT have comparable performance metrics to cis women, and in some cases, actually perform WORSE).